Numb

She stood there, looking out across the lake. The weather was icy, enough to cause a little frostbite if one wasn't careful. It was enough to make her numb beneath all her layers of clothing.

She never spoke, just stood there, thinking. She didn't understand why everything had to be so difficult. She just wanted it all to go away.

She knew that she was unwanted. She had had her heart set on one boy, one person...but of course she couldn't have him. He knew how she felt. She had told him herself, a little over a year ago. He had scoffed in her face, laughing with his friends over the joke that was her affection.

Ever since that fatal mistake, she had never pushed him, hardly ever showed that she cared for him. Yet he continued to ignore her, never giving her the second glance she so craved. She also tried to get him to notice her, though in an inconspicuous way: performing at talent shows she knew he would be at, wearing make up that seemed attractive to her, even trying to drum up a conversation every now and then.

But nothing worked. She had had one small moment where his attention was hers, when she had sang and played her guitar at a school event. She had known that perhaps her mournful voice and song might drop a hint or two. He had watched her, his eyes fixed on her...and then the song ended. He turned away, not even giving her another look.

What made things hurt worse was that he preferred another girl, far more popular and pretty than she could ever hope to be. He doted on her, slaved away for her. The girl at the lake often wished he would show her the same kindness. Instead he treated her like she was inferior, making her feel utterly worthless and unimportant.

He had laughed at her on many occasions, making her wounds even deeper. Whenever she made an attempt at a joke in his presence, he would laugh, but it would be in a superior way. Her friends had told her countless times that he was not worth her time, that he was nothing but an insignificant speck. But she didn't listen. She continued on her foolish quest to gain his affection.

It was now to the point where all she wanted was to be near him, to watch him in his ignorance.

But beneath her seemingly unendless supply of love for him, there was also anger, a smouldering hate that she had kept hidden, effectively, for that long year. She would never forget all the nights she had cried for him, wondered why it was that he hated her, that he wouldn't look at her. She remembered the other times, when she was alone, that she had screamed in rage, pounding her fists on any surface she could find. Then she would retreat into the sheltered tempest that was her mind, thinking and staring into space for hours. Then she would vent her rage even more, writing poems that conveyed her emotions, yet they weren't enough to satisfy the monster inside that was her anger and longing.

As she recalled all these things that had changed her, destroyed her, she realized that the temperature had dropped, and now her feet were beginning to go numb along with her hands. A new revelation presented itself then too...that she was numb to the world, that she had closed herself off to everything, alienated her friends and family. And the thing was, she couldn't do a thing about it, nor did she care. The world had shunned her, so she would simply turn her back on it. She could care less if she died alone, still unwanted. In fact, right then the idea seemed appealing to her. So she gathered up her courage, took a few steps backwards, then flung herself into the lake.

She sank rapidly, losing her breath and getting more lightheaded with every passing moment. The last thought that went through her head before darkness enveloped her mind was, See what you drove me to do?