All is Jello pt. 4 by: Alyssa

 

Oh, the drapes.  I understand that they are much wiser than I (or is it me?) but I sometimes don’t want to listen to them.

 

Did I just say that aloud?  Dear me.

 

Well, they are crazy.  Just so you know.  I feel that I had to say this after listening to their account.  Of course, as I said, it’s not my place.  And I do try not to make a habit of being disrespectful.

 

I am long-suffering.

 

But then again, in my position it’s sort of a given that you must be long-suffering.

 

Well, anyway, just so you know, the woman, the lamp, and the drapes are all… how can I put this delicately?

 

I can’t really say it any other way.

 

Lying.

           

Oh that sounds so blunt! I cringe at the blunt-osity of it.  But I can’t think of a more delicate way.  Fabricating sounds a little better.  Especially in the drapes’ case, since they are made of fabric.  Oh, there’s one of those awful puns again.  The drapes would not be pleased with this.

 

Well, anyway, what actually happened (don’t tell the drapes, please) was that it wasn’t a girl that came it at all, but Frank Sinatra.  And in fact, he had just fallen through some rip in the space-time continuum (these appear more commonly than you’d think.)  Well anyway he came in and started throwing jello everywhere, and trying to do magic tricks, and saying “Well, by gum!” all the time.

 

Oh dear.  There I go again.  I’m not a pathological liar.  But if I were one, I’d be excellent.  As you can see, this is a dilemma.  How do you know?  Am I?

 

“Darn tootin’” is another confusing phrase.  Where did it come from?  What exactly does it mean?  As well as “golly gee whilikers.”

 

How do you spell “whillikers?”

 

What is whhillikkers?”

 

Oh, maybe you shouldn’t be listening to me at all.  In fact, please don’t, I’d rather not inconvenience you.  Pathological liars or not, inkstains never were very reliable.